Thursday 31 May 2018 by Dante Clarke

Sam Allardyce rules himself out of Real Madrid due to lack of Greggs bakeries


Sam Allardyce for Real Madrid

After the shock resignation of Zinedine Zidane earlier today, bookies were quick to report that Sam Allardyce was in the running for the Real Madrid hot seat.

Allardyce’s long list of success includes guiding West Ham to promotion from the Championship, as well as steering Sunderland and Crystal Palace away from the relegation. The kind of qualities that Real Madrid crave in a potential manager.

However, despite managing clubs of similar stature to Los Blancos such as, err… Blackburn Rovers and Bolton Wanderers, Allardyce has surprisingly dismissed the possibility of a move to Spain.

He told reporters, “I’ve done my research and apparently the nearest Greggs is nearly 16 hours away from the Bernebau. The lack of fresh – well, sort of fresh – steak bakes was a real influence in my decision.”

When asked by a journalist if he’d heard of tapas, Allardyce responded by asking if that was the Costa Rican fella who plays in goal.

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