Thursday 31 May 2018 by Gary Stanton

Adolf Hitler blames former racism on Herbal Nytol


Hitler took Nytol

The spectral apparition of Adolf Hitler has suggested his fondness for genocide stems from taking Herbal Nytol, in a candid, posthumous interview.

Speaking via acclaimed medium Derek Acorah, the Führer told how he was constantly kept awake by Eva Braun’s snoring and Germany’s crippling hyperinflation.

And the former leader of the Third Reich believed that after trying a host of over-the-counter remedies, Herbal Nytol was, for him, the final solution to his sleeping woes.

Hitler insisted that anyone who’s watched those documentaries about him on Channel 5, and that’s most of you, will have a rough idea of the number of prescription drugs he was swallowing at the time.

Hitler said, “When purchasing Nytol, they always ask you at the chemist whether you’re on any other medications. Well, I was on shitloads.

“By the way, I totally get where Roseanne Barr is coming from with her Ambien-induced ape comments.

“For me, it was like flipping a switch. One minute I was embarking on a nationwide road-building program. The next, I was making territorial claims against the Sudetenland.”

But the National Socialist Leader says the manufacturers of Nytol were totally upfront about its side effects.

“It was right there on the packet in that Gothic script I had done on all the official buildings.

“Achtung! May cause nausea, dizziness and pogroms.

“I guess I was sucked in by the propaganda. A slogan like ‘Good mornings follow a Good Nytol’ is something I could have written, albeit minus the negative racial undertones.”

Last night Hitler sent Roseanne a beyond-the-grave message to keep her chin up and ignore the haters.

He added, “I don’t watch her show by the way. Too many Jews in it.”

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