Wednesday 30 May 2018 by Andrew Bollen

Hipster Benedictine monk to launch Craft Buckfast


craft Buckfast launched by hipster

A bearded hipster monk based in Devon at Buckfast Abbey, may have upset generations of fortified winemaking colleagues with his new cool drink aimed at the discerning palate of sociopaths.

The Craft Buckfast range, will introduce a new range of products called Buckie Bamchat, Buck Rodgered and Huckled Buck.

The youngest of his Abbey, Brother Thelonius is not universally loved by his fellow monks.

An insider said, “Brother Thelonious has always been a bit of a maverick and never really a team player. He’s the same during five-a-sides, always showing off and doing a Messi or a Ronaldo when a simple through ball and a passing game is the best option.

“I’m not in the slightest surprised at his decision to make his own Buckfast spin-off .”

The decision to have a hipster Craft Buckfast spin-off broke Twitter as the troops galvanised this opposed to the move. The #NoToCraftBuckie had Donald Trump in a spin he retweeted ‘Tasted it. Love it #nocraftbuckie.’

Speaking at the launch, tattooed, with stretched earlobes and daft earrings, Brother Theo drank from a jam jar and explained, “The Craft Buckie range is a natural extension to the rather old-fashioned and clichéd Buckfast.

“We need a cool, hip version of the product and these old cats need to dig where it’s at with the scene and the subculture, and drink from anything that isn’t actually a bottle designed to be drunk from,” said Thelonius, aged 78.

The drinks will be launched in toy rockets, small thermos flasks and oil cans.

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