Sunday 27 May 2018 by Loris Karius

Liverpool Goalkeeper Loris Karius named as new face of Teflon


Loris Karius Liverpool champions league

Liverpool goalkeeper Loris Karius Karius has landed a lucrative new advertising deal with a non-stick frying pan giant.

Following an absolute bollocks of a goalkeeping performance against Real Madrid in the Champions League final, the Liverpool goalkeeper has decided to make money from his demonstrably non-stick gloves.

“It’s a natural fit for him, unlike goalkeeping,” confirmed Karius’ agent, Jay Cooper.

“It’s fortunate for both of us as well, because he’s not going to be playing much football over the summer, so this will be a nice little earner.

“We had offers from a couple of pharmaceutical companies who wanted to use us to illustrate that their products can ‘stop you catching anything’, but we were really drawn to the folks at Teflon and the massive cheque they wrote for us.

Meanwhile, in the studio, the new Tefal advert was almost complete for the much-happier-now Karius.

“You think my hands are slippery, you should see these frying pans,” grinned Karius, holding the utensil for the camera in his full Liverpool kit under the watchful eye of a team of Teflon executives in expensive-looking suits.

“I’ve gone from egg on my face to egg in the pan and, unlike my goalkeeping, these eggs will turn out just right.”

Advertising executive and moral-free bastard, Simon Williams, said, “Thank fuck he finally got that right. He was fine in rehearsal, but as soon as we yelled action he went to pieces.

“The first 37 takes, he dropped the frying pan, and the 12 after that he lobbed it at Karim Benzema’s foot.

“Benzema was here because he’s doing the ads for Lucky Charms this afternoon.”

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