Saturday 26 May 2018 by Davytoast

New ‘Warhammer Kids’ line tears hole in reality and spawns new Chaos God


Warhammer kids Bertie Bassett

The psychic shockwave amongst Warhammer fans at the idea of a ‘kids’ line has caused the warp to belch forth a new, terrible entity of Chaos.

The event is being likened to the birth of Slaanesh brought about by the loathsome decadence of the Eldar, but rather jollier and with a soft centre.

The entity, known as Ber’tie Baaaaasett, is understood to be the terrible lord of Not Sharing, who inflicts misery upon the benighted universe by scattering Lego underfoot when you need the toilet at half two in the morning.

According to the inquisition, followers of Baaaaasett can be identified by the way their cheeks are always full, and their secretive offerings of the blue and pink ones covered in seeds which none but their Lord may devour.

”Children are often the greatest agents of chaos known,” said senior inquisitor Septimus van Hoyt.

“Running around, shouting, breaking stuff, instead of sitting in quiet devotion to the Emperor.

”Unlike other servants of the ruinous powers they can be dealt with by sending them to sit on the naughty step, which doesn’t work on Plague Marines. Believe you me, I’ve tried.

“The addition of a huge amount of processed sugar from the Eye of Terror simply can’t help.

”We’re recommending everyone on Cadia takes more exercise and eats plenty of fruit and veg in readiness for this new incursion.

“Ber’tie Baaaaasett. He’s Chaos’ greatest asset.”

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