Wednesday 23 May 2018 by Chris Ballard

Boris Johnson to receive Pride of Britain Award for coping without a private plane


Boris wants a plane

The Foreign Secretary’s bravery and stoicism in the face of an extraordinarily challenging life without a private plane is to be recognised with a Pride of Britain Award.

It has been revealed that Boris Johnson has to share an RAF plane with members of the Royal family and sometimes even resorts to taking commercial flights where he has to breathe in the recycled air of the poor people who could only afford tickets right at the back.

Mr Johnson said, “How on earth am I supposed to travel the world making Britain a laughing stock if I have to share a plane to do it?

“Even when I manage to book the big bloody RAF number I’m allowed to use, I have to suffer the drab, grey paintwork. I don’t think anyone’s ever suffered as much as I have.”

Member of the British public Simon Williams said, “It’s astonishing that in 2018 this sort of deprivation exists right under our noses.

“Giving him a Pride of Britain Award is a good first step but more needs to be done. Can’t we close some hospitals or something to fund the Boris plane? I’m sure there are a few waiting lists that wouldn’t mind being a little bit longer so that Boris can have a Gulfstream.”

Philanthropists are now scrambling to set up charities so money can be raised to alleviate Boris’ unimaginable hardship.

It is also believed that Ken Loach has started developing a gritty screenplay to tell Boris’ tragic yet inspirational story.

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