Monday 21 May 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Ken Livingstone resigns to spend more time with Hitler


Ken Livingstone resigns

Ken Livingstone is resigning from the Labour party.

The ex-London mayor has been at the centre of a string of controversies where he essentially just bellowed “HITLER!” for no apparent reason.

“Turns out it’s because he misses him,” shrugged Labour party spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“It’s a massive surprise to all of us, obviously; not just because we thought he was dead, but also because we didn’t think Hitler would be willing to hang out with Ken Livingstone.

“Apparently they enjoy long walks in the park, arguing over the merits of vegetarianism and binge-watching Arnold Schwarzenegger films.”

Livingstone had been suspended from the Labour party since 2016, when he spray-painted a swastika onto Boris Johnson’s briefcase.

“Everyone’s so uptight these days, except for Hitler,” shrugged Livingstone.

“I’m looking forward to spending more time with him. Maybe he’ll finally tell me where the rest of the gold is buried and we can retire to Switzerland together.”

Hitler commented, “I do not now have, nor have I ever had a relationship with Ken Livingstone.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: