Wednesday 16 May 2018

Government remains on course to do absolutely f**k all about Brexit


Theresa May doing nothing on Brexit

The government has sought to reassure people that it remains fully on course to do absolutely fuck all about Brexit.

There had been concerns of division in the cabinet, with speculation that some ministers believing the government should take some action to prepare for Brexit and the huge changes it will bring to the country.

“My government remains committed to doing completely fuck all about Brexit, and have actually spent an awful lot of time over the past two years already doing fuck all about Brexit,” said Prime Minister Theresa May.

“I would also like to say that it is not just the headline issues such as the customs union or Northern Ireland about which we are doing fuck all.

“There are also huge swathes of people behind the scenes doing fuck all for other issues like food regulation, border control, and freight transport.”

Government supporters seemed pleased with Mrs May’s assurance.

“Tremendous news,” said Simon Williams, a Theresa May supporter who was busy decorating his front room with his own faeces.

“With the biggest event to hit the UK since the war, it is important that the government stands unwavering in its commitment to doing fuck all.

“Theresa May is doing a marvellous job.

“No, if you’ll excuse me, I must finish my decorating before Elvis Presley comes round for tea.”

With the statement, Mrs May seems to have headed off any internal rebellion from ministers keen to do something about Brexit.

Her next big challenge will be the EU summit in October.

If she can make it through that with the current policy, it is likely that when Brexit happens in 2019, Mrs May and her government will have successfully done completely fuck all about it.

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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