Tuesday 15 May 2018 by Davywavy

Wyld Stallyns announce reunion tour


Wyld Stallyns

90s metal sensations Wyld Stallyns have announced their first gigs in more than twenty years, according to a statement released today.

Stallyns, who shot to fame when their cover of Kiss’ ‘God Gave Rock and Roll to You’ was inadvertently broadcast to every radio and television on Earth by future technology provided by arch-villain Chuck deNomolos, were last heard of when their intergalactic tour played Mars.

The announcement follows months of fevered speculation that Bill S. Preston and Ted ‘Theodore’ Logan were back in the studio after bassist Death was spotted near London’s Abbey Road studios and confirmed he wasn’t there for Paul McCartney.

Dates already announced include London, Vancouver, Los Angeles, Rio de Janeiro, Saturn, and Hell, with more to be confirmed as the band are understood to want to play sixty-nine gigs for some reason.

“The guys have felt for a long time they’ve got that one special song to write which will unite the world in peace and harmony,” we were told by road manager Rufus.

“They thought they’d managed it with that whole global broadcast, everyone singing to one song thing back in 1992, but look at the world around you now. It can’t be said to have worked long term, can it?

“So this is it. Back on the road. Back from the dead. One night only. With one message: Be excellent to each other.

“Oh, and party on, dudes.”

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