Monday 14 May 2018 by Arabin Patson

Being called a gammon is the same as being lynched, claim cantankerous white codgers


Angry old man unhappy being called a gammon

Red-faced reactionaries with severe anger issues are now the most persecuted group in modern British society, according to several columnists at the Spectator and the Daily Telegraph.

Populist pundits and Tory politicians have come to the aid of ruddy-faced idiots whose sole ambition is to shout ‘get on with it’ at a BME woman panelist on Question Time.

The call to arms is seen as a reaction to the perceived social media persecution of right-wing boors by millennials.

Simon Williams, a retired carpet salesman and UKIP member, was adamant it was high time people took seriously the way his kind were being tormented online and in the liberal media.

He told reporters, “There’s plenty of tears for that Windrush lot but no one cares about people like me.

“Just because I can’t name more than three government departments and regularly confuse the EU and the UN doesn’t mean folk should laugh at my opinions. Or film me when I scream at chuggers in the Asda car park.

“Every post I make on social media gets mocked and filled with snarky links to Wikipedia. Even my own family piles it on.

“My own granddaughter called me an ignorant gammon just because I gave that Ahmed friend of hers a 30-minute lecture on why Islam was incompatible with civilization. This is way worse than Apartheid.”

Even though the campaign has gathered steam – mostly from the ears of the campaigners themselves – the Equality and Human Rights Commission has so far refused to label loud sighing and making facepalm gestures as a hate crime.

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