Thursday 10 May 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Man who commented “Dying” and “I can’t breathe” on Internet video found dead


I'm dying man on Internet

A local man has been found dead after saying he was dying.

Simon Williams, 31, shared a mildly amusing video of a cat falling over, a toddler swearing or some other banal bag of wank along those lines demonstrative of the intellectual downfall of our society.

“He commented saying he was dying, but then he always does that with everything,” said Simon’s friend, Hayley Rice.

“None of us suspected that he was actually choking to death alone in his flat.

“It’s very sad but, if you think about it, it’s his fault for constantly saying he couldn’t breathe when he can, or that he’s dying when he wasn’t.”

Social media expert, Jay Cooper, said,”This will become more common as time goes on and Internet language becomes the only language.

“One day somebody will call 999 for an Ambulance saying they’re having a heart attack and the responder will just assume they’re talking about a meme featuring Donald Trump and hang up on them.”

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