Wednesday 9 May 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Fake homeless man really committed to the role


Homeless man not homeless

A man who has been seen pretending to be homeless to try and trick people with homes into giving him money is really committed to his role.

The conman, who can be found operating out of a dirty sleeping bag by the entrance to Sainsbury, has been maintaining his homeless act since being discharged from the army in 2015.

“The subject’s name is Barry,” explained Simon Williams, a local anti-fake homeless crusader.

“He is not homeless. Not at all.

“The thing that you have to understand about criminals like Barry is that they will go to extraordinary lengths to lead the easy life of sitting outside Sainsbury’s to get free money from easy marks like the general public.

“I’ve followed him for several weeks and he never lets the mask slip, he sleeps under the bridge down by the canal, washes in the car park toilets, he even sometimes goes to the soup kitchen by the church.

“This just shows how committed these fake-homeless are to their role. They’ll do anything to keep their nice easy life.”

Mr Williams has courageously tried to intervene and try and put a stop to Barry’s nefarious activities.

“I got a couple of boys from the Splintered Foot. We waited till closing time and went to see Barry and shitted him up a bit.

“He hasn’t cracked yet. But when he broke down in tears of despair you could tell he knew his time on easy-street was coming to an end.”

With heroes like Simon Williams battling against the scourge of fake-homeless people, it can only be a matter of time until they’re forced to go and get a proper job and stop bothering all of us normal people.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: