Sunday 6 May 2018 By Tommy Charles

Grim Reaper given the hairdryer treatment by Sir Alex Ferguson


Alex Ferguson

Sir Alex Ferguson has given the grim reaper the infamous hairdryer treatment following an attempt to take him from this world to the next.

Ferguson lambasted the angel of death for his for his terrible performance, which left the former Manchester United manager in intensive care.

“The boss was furious with Reaper’s performance,” a source revealed.

“It was a dreadful attacking display from the malevolent spirit and Sir Alex gave him both barrels for it.

“He criticised the calibre of his recent victims, including Stephen Hawking, Verne Troyer and Ray Wilkins; berating him for lacking the character to challenge for any of the world’s major arseholes, who someone with his talent should be taking week in week out.

There has been fear in recent months that Death could be entering a similarly poor period of form that almost saw him sacked in 2016, but he claims to be determined to turn things around.

“Sir Alex was completely right in his assessment of me,” Mr Reaper said.

“He was typically uncompromising with his words, but he was honest and fair and I’ve taken his words on board for the coming year.

“He reminded me of the whole Prince, Bowie, Carrie Fisher stuff, saying I was a total disgrace that year and asked me if that’s how I feel wanted to be remembered by the fans.

“He’s given me a tactical list of sex offenders and racists to work on in the coming months and hopefully I can rediscover my form before the end of the season.”

Everyone at NewsThump wishes Sir Alex a speedy recovery, even those of us who hated him whenever he spent 97 minutes in the opposition dugout. 

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