Friday 4 May 2018 by Lucas Wilde

“We hate you all” confirms British electorate


Angry voters

Every single UK politico is a useless bag of shit, according to UK voters after this year’s local election.

With no one party doing spectacularly well in local elections, experts have concluded that the only thing to take away from the local elections is that all parties are hated equally and that no-one cares about any of them.

“We’ve long suspected this to be the case,” confirmed expert on this sort of thing, Simon Williams.

“It’s a shame really because if one party just came out and said ‘we’re useless at most things but we promise to fix all of the potholes’ then they would win by a landslide.

“But no. None of them is actually focused on what people actually want – especially in local elections, which are even more of a pointless vanity project than the national ones.

“It’s basically a chance for that self-important twat down the road to get a genuine level of importance by becoming an elected official, and everybody hates that guy no matter what party he’s from.

“So given the choice between voting for people I don’t like, from parties that don’t share my values, talking about issues that don’t matter to me – is it any surprise that no-one did well?”

Other voters have admitted having similar difficulties in choosing who they hated least during the local election campaigns.

“I hate the Tories, but my husband hates Labour, and I hate my husband, but I’m banging his brother, so it all balances out,” confirmed citizen, Hayley Rice.

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