Friday 4 May 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Daily Mail remains newspaper of choice for complete f*cking b*stards


Daily Mail the newspaper for fucking bastards

A new study has shown that over 95% of Daily Mail readers are complete f*cking b*stards.

This continues the Mail’s dominance of the complete fucking bastard market that began in the thirties when it was one of the leading voices of support for Nazism.

“Oh, goodness me, yes, it’s the Daily Mail for me every day,” said mum-of-two and complete fucking bastard Eleanor Gay.

“Every morning I like to get up, think about all the things I hate – progressive thinking, black people, being nice – then I feed the kids, and then I have a flick through the Daily Mail to fuel the loathing and bile inherent in my personality.”

Simon Williams is an expert in media, and he describes how the Daily Mail has maintained its extraordinary appeal to complete fucking bastards.

“Well, you’ve got to start right at the top,” he explains.

“Paul Dacre is a complete fucking bastard so he has that real insight into what other complete fucking bastards expect from a daily newspaper – hatred, bullying, racism, lies, and imaginative recipes.

“He also makes sure to employ some of Britain’s leading complete fucking bastards as writers – Richard Littlejohn, Jan Moir, Peter Hitchens – their quirky insights into modern life through the spectrum of complete fucking bastardy will always appeal to complete fucking bastards everywhere.

“Aside from the fact that it’s one of the most pernicious aspects of modern day life in Britain, you really can’t help but be impressed by the Mail.”

With Britain currently seemingly swamped with complete fucking bastards, it seems that the Daily Mail will only continue to go from strength to strength.

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader) – get the t-shirt!

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