Thursday 3 May 2018 by William Gadsby Peet

Nation left in shock as rapper proves to be poor socio-political pundit


Kanye on slavery

semi-professional ass-hat Kanye West has left the American public reeling with his comments that “Slavery for 400 years … that sounds like a choice”.

Prompting headlines such as ‘Cyprus-shill’, ‘Racists’ delight’, ‘A twat called Kanye’, many have been left bemused by West’s position on such an emotive issue.

Kanye later clarified that while he obviously understands that black people were literally shackled, unarmed, beaten, starved and outnumbered ten to one by a highly organised and well-armed society of white slave owners, he still thinks the African American community “could have pulled its shackles up and freed their minds.”

Kanye went on, “I’ve just seen X-Men yo, there’s that chick that moves things with her mind. If I was alive during the time of slavery I would have used telekinesis to fight the slave owners. #Woke #FreeYourMind”.

The controversy doesn’t look like it’ll be going away anytime soon with pundits across the political spectrum utterly flabbergasted that a man tasked with the sacred duty of rapping about guns and bitches could turn out to be an inadequate social commentator and role model.

In an emotionally charged segment of CNN’s Tonight show, a tearful Don Lemon responded to Kanye, stating: “I am just so bitter and zesty about it all. It’s shaken a belief at the very core of American culture: that being a good rapper automatically earns an artist a platform from which to provide historical socio-political commentary.

“What am I supposed to believe in now? It’s like somehow rapping about drugs, willingly marrying in to the Kardashian family and storming the stage at an MTV awards ceremony to grab the microphone off a woman half your age and size aren’t a proper foundation for nuanced discussion on sociopolitical issues of race or the complicated history of our country and the scarring legacy of slavery.

“I am going to have to have a long and frank discussion with the A$AP Mob before I can even begin to get my head around this. In the meantime: we go live to our chief economic correspondent for a report on the economy.”

*Cuts to Lil John*

“The stock market is crunk mother fuckers!”

“Stocks! Stocks! Stocks! Stocks! Stocks! For errrrrrrrybody.”

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