Tuesday 1 May 2018 by Pete Redfern

Conservative ‘power stance’ makes it easier to shit on the less fortunate, confirms Tory insider


Conservative power stance explained

There is apparently an easy explanation for the bizarre stance adopted by Conservative politicians when they know there is a camera pointed at them, it has emerged today.

Having been appointed Home Secretary, Sajid Javid is the latest in a line of Tory cabinet members to be photographed with his legs unnaturally apart and with a weird expression on his face, leading to questions being asked about the origin of the stance.

Whitehall civil servant Simon Williams, who wishes to remain anonymous, told us, “It’s quite simple, really. This is the naturally evolved stance of Tory party members. People may look at the photo and think it’s a bit strange but this tends to be how they stand all the time.

“In fact, they just have to make a concerted effort when standing up to speak in the House of Commons to adopt a normal human pose, instead of the unnatural ‘legs apart and concentrate’ one that years and years of defecating on the poor and vulnerable has caused them to evolve towards.”

However, others inside the parliamentary buildings have an alternate theory.

Press photographer Eleanor told us, “Look, I think it’s just a massive practical joke that got out of hand.

“Five years ago a mate of mine was asked to photograph David Cameron, and managed to convince the director of communications at the time that looking like you were trying to do the splits showed strength and flexibility.

“Incredibly, they bought it, and for some unfathomable reason it continues to live on to this day.”

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