Monday 30 April 2018 by Lucas Wilde and Dan Powell

Amber Rudd named as new Arsenal manager


Amber Rudd Arsenal manager

Amber Rudd is to fill Arsene Wenger’s shoes.

After being on the job market for less than 24 hours, the disgraced former Home Secretary received a phone call from Arsenal’s board of directors.

“Amber has shown that she is absolutely useless at hitting targets, which means she will share an automatic empathy with our players,” confirmed Arsenal spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“Not only that, but her ability to cling to her position for so long while doing nothing of merit makes her a natural successor to Arsene Wenger. She will look fantastic in that big coat he used to wear.”

”We’re sure she will receive a warm welcome from the fans at Highbury when she takes charge next season.”

Amber Rudd’s spokesperson said, “Amber greatly looks forward to the reduced challenge of keeping her eye on eleven foreigners at a time rather than several million.

”She is confident of winning the grand national for Arsenal.”

Arsenal fan, Jay Cooper, said, “Well, at least it’s not Sam Allardyce.”

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