Friday 27 April 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Britain’s Got Talent singer with four-minute, tragic video package turns out to be shit


Britain's Got Talent

Britain’s Got Talent has made something of a faux pas after telling everyone the tragic backstory of someone who turned out to shit.

Hayley Rice, 19, auditioned for the show and was brought as far as the television recordings, where producers put together a video package highlighting the fact her mum had cancer, how her dog recently died in a van fire, and how she banged her knee against a desk on the way in.

However, upon opening her mouth, Hayley gave a rendition of I Will Always Love You that made every dog within a five-mile radius throw itself into the nearest canal.

“It was a four-minute VT and it was our usual slick work,” confirmed producer, Simon Williams.

“We were so enamoured with the delicious sadness that is Hayley’s life that we completely forgot that it’s also our responsibility to pay attention to her singing voice.

“We’re in a bit of a bind now as it looks like we’ve massively taken the piss out of her, rather than it simply being a case of us prioritising a tragic backstory in a way that ordinary people would find a bit ghoulish.

“Honestly, if we’d known she was a shit singer, we still would have wheeled her out for you to snigger at, of course we would; we just wouldn’t have told you that her life was a bit hard before we did. That’s the magic of television.”

Hayley said, “I’m just happy to have got this far, I’ve had a lovely day.”

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