Thursday 26 April 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Windrush immigrants required to wear identification badges


Amber Rudd Windrush badges

Home Secretary and lovely, lovely person Amber Rudd has announced that, as a means to identify the Windrush immigrants, they are to be provided with special badges.

They should then wear the badges at all times so they can be easily recognised by officials as ‘Windrush’.

“I think this will draw a line under the Windrush episode,” confirmed Mrs Rudd, as she wiped the blood of a virgin boy from the corners of her mouth.

“If you are a Windrush black…sorry, I meant to say immigrant. If you are a Windrush immigrant, then please visit your local town square where officials will be waiting to register you and provide you with an identification badge.

“It is imperative that you wear the badge at all times so that you can be identified by officials and treated appropriately.

“This is very much for their benefit, and we see no reason why the effects of wearing the badge will be anything other than resoundingly positive.”

Some members of the Windrush community have complained that the requirement to wear badges is a little sinister, but if they don’t like it they should go back to where they came from.

It is also understood that plans are currently being drawn up to clear an area of London to which all Windrush immigrants will be moved and contained in order to allow authorities to keep track of them and prevent any further confusion regarding their status.

“We’re just trying to help, and hopefully, this will make that all the more obvious,” concluded Rudd.

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