Tuesday 24 April 2018 by Lucas Wilde

“Aww look at the little baby” say Tories while quietly burying that whole Windrush thing


Theresa May, baby, Windrush

The government would really like it if you could all focus on the latest Royal sprog for a little bit longer.

The baby currently known as ‘Prince’ arrived to the joy of a nation that had been previously been left angry due to the Windrush scandal.

“What a joy to behold,” said Tory spokesperson, Simon Williams, raising his voice to be heard over the paper shredders.

“It really is wonderful to see a new member of the royal family come along, especially at such an opportune time- hey, can you pass me that folder that says ‘Arrivals’? Cheers.

“We here in the government are all very happy for Wills and Kate and their little bundle of distraction – JOY! I meant joy. Sorry.”

Citizen, Hayley Rice, said “Oh yeah, the Windrush thing. Something about Jamaicans wasn’t it? That was absolutely ages ago though, right?

“You can’t expect me to remember every little disgraceful scandal this government leads us into, can you. There are just so many of them.

“I mean, when I think about it, yes, it’s a national disgrace that these people who’ve lived their entire lives here as citizens have been depor…..Ooh look, that baby has eyes! Just like my kids do! How amazing.”

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