Monday 23 April 2018 by Lucas Wilde

MPs to celebrate St George’s Day by agreeing to bomb his homeland some more


MPs on St George's Day

Britain’s politicians are commemorating St. George’s Day by agreeing to once again bomb the shit out of where his house used to be.

St. George is the patron saint of England but is widely believed to have been born in the part of the world we now call Syria.

“If he did have a house there, then we’ve blown it to kingdom come by now,” confirmed MP, Simon Williams.

“And what better way to celebrate the man and his achievements by widening the smoking crater that was once his home?

“We’re having a word with the air force to see if they can sky-write ‘Happy St. George’s Day’ in the sky before accidentally dropping some bombs on a primary school.

“It will give the citizens of Syria something to enjoy or be confused by before dying a horrible firey death.

“Like everyone else, I know nothing about St. George, but I’m sure this is what he would have wanted.”

Syrian citizen, Jay Cooper, said “Hooray.”

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