Friday 20 April 2018 by Davywavy and Steve Pearson

Weather more likely to bring London to a standstill than terrorists, reports confirm


Warm weather brings London to standstill

A nice sunny afternoon is more likely to put a Londoner off getting to work than someone directly trying to murder them, reports have confirmed today.

London, which was hit by a wave of people suddenly feeling a bit too unwell to work but just about well enough to go to the park and have a lovely refreshing drink yesterday, has confirmed that compared to a bit of snow or a lovely warm lunchtime a bearded nutter with a bomb just doesn’t cut it.

“It’s the Blitz spirit, innit?” said Londoner Simon Williams from his local beer garden.

“The Luftwaffe spent six months bombing the place flat and we still struggled through the rubble to work.

“If Hitler had just invented a weather control machine and started selling Magners he would have brought the entire country to a standstill inside a week.

“I think that’d be my advice to ISIS as well.

“Don’t bother with bombs and cars and knives. Just get an ice-cream van and start playing the jingle in the park on a sunny Wednesday afternoon. I tell you, you’ll bring the economy to its knees.”

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