Friday 20 April 2018 by Arabin Patson

Shock as May and Johnson ‘dream team’ fails to generate goodwill among Commonwealth leaders


Theresa May and Boris Johnson

British geopolitical experts were at a loss when trying to explain why the presence of two politicians held in such esteem by BME people failed to alleviate concerns by Commonwealth leaders over the treatment of their citizens.

Downing Street spokesperson, Simon Williams, explained to the press that the power duo of Boris Johnson and Theresa May had pulled out all the stops to unite the Commonwealth leaders behind their shared history.

He explained, “We don’t understand what happened. The Foreign Secretary opened the meeting with a passionate reading of Kipling’s famous poem The White Man’s Burden. He also tried to lighten the mood by offering each leader a slice of watermelon accompanied by a cheerful wink. But oddly enough this failed to impress the assembled delegates.”

Mr Williams also denied that the Windrush scandal had put Theresa May in an awkward position with other nations’ leaders.

“Prime minister May has made it clear from the very start that she condemns the disastrous results and the unnecessary suffering caused by the uncaring policies of former Home Secretary Theresa May.

“She has personally spearheaded the efforts to solve the problems she created. She has enlisted the help of other Commonwealth countries so as to help the Windrush children acquire the documents that her administration requires and her officials destroyed.

“Prime Minister May even offered soon to-be-deported Commonwealth citizens a 10 percent discount on the cancer treatment that they erroneously thought their lifelong National Insurance contributions had paid for.

“You can’t say fairer than that.”

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