Friday 20 April 2018 by Neil Tollfree

HR confirm impending nuclear armageddon is not a valid excuse for spending afternoon in sunny pub garden


pub afternoon

The HR department has confirmed that impending nuclear Armageddon and the ensuing extinction of all life on earth is no excuse for spending the afternoon in the pub.

It was felt that this should be clarified following the entire claims-handling department’s decision to spend Thursday and Friday afternoon in the Fanciful Whimsy drinking heavily in the sunshine and trying to settle once and for all who is the ‘Candy Crush King.’

The HR department’s statement on the matter stated that ‘whilst relations between North Korea and the US are somewhat febrile at present, that is no excuse to stop processing all claims and engage in a sustained bout of heavy drinking.’

“Should tensions escalate we may revisit this policy, but for the moment staff will be expected to carry out their designated duties.”

“Yeah, but that’s bollocks though, isn’t it,” said claims handler Simon Williams.

“I mean, really, if these two mentalists are going to nuke everyone up then who gives a monkeys if some geezer’s claim that he got the shits off a dodgy ham sandwich isn’t put through in six to eight weeks.

“Is he really going to mind that I spent the afternoon in a pub garden preparing for a full weekend of doing the same?

“I mean, if he’s been all blown up and irradiated then having the shits are going to be the least of his problems, isn’t it?”

“Bloody stupid.”

Staff are entitled to appeal the decision but it is unlikely that any appeal will be processed before the impending nuclear Armageddon.

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