Friday 20 April 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Dog rescued from hot car, car rightly set on fire


burnt out car

An irresponsible dog owner has returned to the wreck he so clearly deserved.

Simon Williams, a 38-year-old moron from Eastleigh, left his cocker spaniel in the car for 45 minutes while he went to leer at women in the local shopping centre.

“And I’ve basically come back to a burnt-out wreck,” confirmed Williams, the twat.

“Yes, I mean I did leave Henry in there for a bit, yeah, but he had a water bowl in there so he would have been fine. Water kills heat. That’s just basic science that everyone knows.

“But no, some vigilante has taken it upon themselves to not only kidnap my Henry, but also to set my car on fire. They also left a note behind that just says one word, ‘Prick’.”

Dog rescuer, Jay Cooper, said, “I think vigilante is a perhaps a strong term, plus there were about twelve of us that pitched in to help when we saw the dog was locked in the back – one of whom was actually an off-duty policewoman.”

“As luck would have it, she had a full Jerry can in her car so after we’d rescued Henry and made sure he was alright, we poured petrol all over the Nissan Micra and lit a match.

“The note was written by my nephew, who’s only seven and can still spell and write the word “prick” correctly. We’re all very proud of him and he’s really excited to have a new dog.”

Policewoman Elizabeth King, said, “Fire? What fire? Move along please, nothing to see here.”

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