Friday 20 April 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Britons get the big fan out


Man using big fan due to the heat

British citizens have gone into the loft or under-stairs cupboard to get the big fan out.

With temperatures jumping into the high twenties despite the fact it was literally fucking snowing a fucking month ago, the people of Britain have been caught spectacularly unaware and are now scrambling for the big fan in order to have a chance at a decent night’s sleep.

With fans having been put away over six months ago, many have been gathering dust in the corners of your homes that are normally reserved for the crap you rarely use.

“Jesus, it’s cobweb central up here,” grumbled Simon Williams, 50, battling his way past a plastic Christmas tree, a plastic tricycle belonging to his son (now aged 27) and an old boom box with a tape deck.

“Mind yourself! Don’t put your foot through the shitting ceiling again!” bellowed Simon’s wife, Margaret, as she held the ladder on the landing below.

“Oh thank Christ you said that, Margaret, because I was obviously about to do Riverdance right across the sodding beams!” countered an impatient Simon clearly agitated by the heat.

“Right, I’m going to lower the fan down now, make sure you grab it, yeah?”

Margaret squirmed, “Oh Simon it’s all dusty and horrible!”

Simon said “yeah we’ll give it a wipe, don’t worry. It still works and I’m buggered if I’m shelling out money on a new fan.”

Margaret suggested “You know the Johnsons have one of those Dyson fans-” before Simon interrupted with “WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: