Friday 20 April 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Arsene Wenger to leave Arsenal following 3,785th last straw


Arsene Wenger leaving Arsenal

Arsene Wenger is finally leaving Arsenal.

Following two ice ages of protests from fans, dismal results in all competitions, and a roaring trade in “Wenger Out” merchandise, the manager will finally step down.

A spokesperson for Arsenal said, “we appreciate that this isn’t so much the straw that broke the camel’s back as the straw that ground the camel’s spine into dust.

“Enough was enough two years ago, but we thought we’d ride it out for a laugh anyway.

“But yeah now we should probably do something about this. Losing to Newcastle was pretty embarrassing. It was bad enough having to go there in the first place.

“We wish Arsene all the best in his future endeavours – particularly if he decides to go and fuck Man Utd up instead.

“It’s not even a relief at this point,” sighed Arsenal fan, Simon Williams.

“It would have been a relief two years ago. At this point, it’s the equivalent of lifting a breeze block from a man’s chest, but the man has been dead for several days.

“I’m looking forward to seeing who the board appoints next. Anybody of the standard of Mr Magoo or above would be nice.”

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