Thursday 19 April 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Victoria’s Secret launches economy range entitled “Rutting Essentials”


Victoria's Secret new line called Rutting Essentials

Victoria’s Secret has launched a range of underwear without the pretence.

Rather than pretend that attractive, matching underwear sets are for anything other than the bit before the fucking, the hitherto classy lingerie firm has released a line of filthy garments for poor people.

“None of the knickers have a crotch,” confirmed the firm’s spokesperson, Jay Cooper.

“The bras are basically bits of string and you might as well not even wear them, but by wearing them it shows you’ve been shopping at Victoria’s Secret and therefore deserve an orgasm.

“It’s underwear that says ‘I’ve been to a ridiculously expensive underwear shop’ while also saying ‘I’ve had half a bottle of Lambrini and I’m up for a ruddy good banging’, which is how I imagine our target demographic probably speaks.

“It’s still Victoria’s Secret, but in this case, Victoria is called ‘Vicky’ and her secret is that she’s claiming Income Support even though her partner is actually living with her.”

Poor person, Hayley Rice, said, “This is incredibly cynical and tacky, and I have bought sixteen items from the ‘Rutting Essentials’ range already.”

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