Monday 16 April 2018 by Neil Tollfree

UKIP celebrate Britain’s triumph over European countries in Commonwealth Games


UKIP commonwealth games

Once popular angry-old-man political party UKIP is celebrating the fact that Great Britain has won considerably more medals in the Commonwealth games than any other European country.

Great Britain finished second in the Commonwealth Games medal table, ahead of all European countries and just behind Australia, who probably cheated.

“This is tremendous news for Great Britain,” said whatever deranged racist is currently leading the party this week.

“It is proof once again that we are best and that Europeans, particularly Germany, are all rubbish at sport.”

UKIP will hold an official party to celebrate our triumph on the White Cliffs of Dover later today. “It’s going to be glorious,” said the racist.

“We’re going to have a long line of trestle tables, a load of nearly out-of-date Marks and Spencer’s sausage rolls, and Mrs Rumpole is bringing a crate of her delicious homemade nettle and racism wine.

“Celebrations will begin at 1pm and culminate at 4pm when we hope to receive a text message from Nigel Farage.”

The Commonwealth Games were invented in 1930 as a desperate way to prove that Britain was still superior to all the peoples it had invaded and massacred. It is staged every four years and Great Britain always does better than the European countries because the only European country that enters is Cyprus.

“That’s not the point,” said the racist, angrily.

“The point is that we’re better than Europe, the Commonwealth Games proves that and anyone who says different is a traitor and a saboteur and deserves to be pilloried on the front of the Express forever.”

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