Monday 16 April 2018

Social media is bad for you, insists Wetherspoons pub serving pints for breakfast


JD Wetherspoons leaving social media

Pub chain JD Wetherspoons has deleted it’s social media accounts insisting that some users cannot control the compulsion to use them, seemingly unaware that they sell and promote alcohol.

The firm’s 900 pubs and head office functions will leave Facebook, Twitter and Instagram with immediate effect.

A spokesperson for the chain, “We at Wetherspoons are keen to do what is right for the mental and physical health of the public at large, and that means less social media, and more boozing, obviously.

“Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are causing irreparable harm to our nation’s youths, whereas most of the harm we cause is to your liver, which as everyone knows is the only organ that repairs itself. Which means we are much, much better than social media.

“Why would you spend your evening enviously looking at other people’s lives online, when you could be at the pub enjoying a pint we’ve made nice and cheap thanks to buying the barrel nice and close to its use by date?

“We want what’s best for the nation, which is to unplug yourself from the small black screen glued to your face and to head to your nearest Wetherspoons to fill your face with alcohol.

“It’s also very important that everyone acknowledges the fact that us deleting these social media accounts has nothing at all to do with us being registered participants in the Brexit referendum, and the current controversy surrounding the use of social media data by the side we campaigned with. Nothing at all.

“Purely a coincidence. Definitely.”

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