Friday 13 April 2018 by Alex Webster

Drinking too much could ‘seriously shorten’ your day, say scientists


drinking beer lose day

A scientific study has concluded that excessive amounts of alcohol could negatively affect the perceived length of your day.

A new international study using millions of volunteers has revealed a link between excessive consumption of alcohol and how long your weekday feels.

Simone Williams, who up until now has stuck to government health guidelines, commented, “My Friday afternoon is normally taken up by a seemingly endless staff meeting.

“I know that sounds very important, but in reality, it’s just men in cheap suits shouting about the hole in Chelsea’s defence until it’s time to go home.

“Anyway, I had three glasses of wine at lunchtime and the meeting just flew by in a rosy haze. I really think these scientist folks are on to something here.”

There has been confusion in recent years due to conflicting advice on the amount you should drink from governments and researchers alike.

This is down to many factors including experimental methodology, the resistance levels of various genetic groups and whether the science team is sponsored by Twinings or Pilsner.

Another drinker commented, “I did my own experiments by downing eighteen pints last Saturday, and sure enough the first half of my Sunday just completely disappeared.

“I’m not worried; it might takes years off your life, but that’s the end of your life and those years are rubbish anyway.”

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