Monday 2 April 2018 by Dan Sweryt

Parents teach kids reality of Tory Government by sending them out on non-existent Easter egg hunt on April Fools’ Day


Easter Eggs

Parents are teaching their offspring about the realities of Conservative promises by sending them out on a day-long egg hunt when there aren’t any eggs.

Skinflint parent Simon Williams, said, “This is an ideal opportunity to promote exactly how Tory governments function to the next generation; massive promises of rewards for working hard for an absurdly long time, only to be let down throughout.

“I get the kids up and excited very early – like the day after an election, say – then promise them many, many more chocolate eggs – let’s call it remuneration and eventual riches – if they go out searching for the eggs – akin to ‘having a job’.

“In actual fact, there are no chocolate eggs at all – let’s call it ‘pragmatism’, but I’ll just pretend that there are some and they’re not talented enough to find them – like, you know, ‘employees’ – and convince them they will have so many by the end of the day that they won’t ever have to search for chocolate eggs again. Let’s call that a ‘pension’. Even though they won’t have a jot when that time arrives.

“Then, after I let them down, they’ll end up getting their chocolate eggs from the food bank – which is an actual food bank – as there isn’t a single appropriate metaphor available to make this point.

“This will no doubt condition all our children to vote Conservative in future, as generations of bellends consistently have, despite being subjected to this sort of behaviour since time immemorial.

“And the parents, whose bellies will ache from laughing by the end of the day, will realise that Tories are not so bad if they can all have a laugh like this, and vote them in all over again.”

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