Thursday 29 March 2018 by Pete Redfern

Ecuadorian embassy refuse to tell Julian Assange new Wi-Fi password until he cleans his room


Julian Assange Internet access revoked

Staff at the Ecuadorian embassy have decided that if the Wikileaks founder ever wants to use the Internet again then he has to start pulling his weight around the place.

Embassy spokesperson Simon del Williamo addressed reporters, telling them, “Julian has now been living here for coming up six years now, and on the whole, he’s been a pretty good house guest.

“He has told us a lot of juicy gossip about a number of celebrities and public figures, and he is fairly good at putting the toilet seat down when he has used the loo.

“But he hasn’t cleaned his room since he moved in, and it stinks to high heaven in there.

“And don’t get me started on the washing – he just throws his dirty clothes on the floor ‘near’ the laundry bin – not ‘in’ it – and he leaves it there for someone else to do, like we’re his bloody servants or something.

“It’s all very well knowing the US military’s darkest secrets, but if you don’t know how to use a sodding washing machine it is a bit embarrassing.”

He went on, “So, in order to encourage better behaviour moving forward from Julian, we’ve changed the Wi-Fi password. There will be no Twitter for him until he cleans his room.”

Julian Assange has been witnessed this morning yelling to passers-by outside the embassy, “My human rights are being violated in here! Somebody do something!”

However, one passing pedestrian who heard his cries simply responded, “No-one’s keeping you in there, mate”.

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