Tuesday 27 March 2018 by Chris Ballard

Father panics as son befriends working class toddler in soft play area


shocked parent

A middle-class dad was left horrified after noticing his son had chummed up with a little boy of lower socio-economic status.

After a busy morning of shopping in London’s Westfield Simon Williams had decided to let his three-year-old son let off some steam in the shopping centre’s soft play area.

“It’s every parent’s worst nightmare,” said Mr Williams, 38.

“Things were going well until I glanced up from my iPhone X to see that my son was sharing a foam racehorse with a toddler dressed in a Sports Direct tracksuit.

“I immediately shouted, ‘Percival, it’s time to go!’ but he wasn’t listening – he’d only been there a few minutes.

“The next thing I knew they were fighting over a rubbery pig’s head and things were starting to get a little rough. In an ideal world, I’d have been able to grab a broom and hurl myself at the little chav shouting ‘’Begone, beastly thing!’ but I accept that we need to construct an artifice of tolerance in order to keep society together.

“I had to take off my shoes and wade in to rescue Percy like a man retrieving a Rolex from an open sewer.”

The situation got even worse when the toddler’s father – a man with a cheap haircut and multiple tattoos on his arms – got involved.

“Don’t like sharing, do they?” the father observed to Simon. Mr Williams responded by letting out a strangled cry, grabbing his son and running straight for the nearest escalator ignoring Percival’s shouts of “Daddy, my shoes!”.

“It was traumatic but I would take him there again,” reflected Simon after a stiff vanilla latte.

“It’s important that he learns to mix with people from all walks of life.”

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