Monday 26 March 2018 by Chris Ballard

First non-stop flight from Perth to London forces passengers to poo on plane


airplane toilet

A seventeen-hour flight from Australia to the UK has forced passengers to endure the horror of defecating in a plane toilet.

Ultra long-haul flyer Simon Williams said, “Obviously I’ll wee on planes but I normally avoid baking brownies until I’m in a proper toilet – even though holding it gives me terrible trapped wind.

“I don’t believe the myths about getting sucked down the loo or anything – it’s the social awkwardness I can’t stand.

“You have to queue up in the aisle and all these rows of bored passengers are staring at you thinking ‘ooh, he needs the toilet’. Then if you’re in there for more than two minutes everyone’s thinking ‘ooh, he’s definitely been doing a poo’.

“Last time I flew this route I was able to blow out some mud in Singapore. But this time I was touching cloth by the fifteen-hour mark and had no other option other than to visit the tiny cubicle ten rows back.

“It was simultaneously the most satisfying and least satisfying poo I’ve ever had; I really needed the release but I just couldn’t enjoy it under those cramped conditions knowing that everyone was silently judging me.”

Ironically Mr Williams’ discomfort nearly forced an emergency landing when he loudly announced that he needed to “drop a bomb” and that “she’s gonna blow!”

Passenger fears were allayed and Mr Williams’ embarrassment alleviated when a member of the cabin crew announced over the PA that “There’s no need to panic, the gentleman in 17F is just doing a massive shit.”

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