Friday 23 March 2018 by Arabin Patson

Shock as Rupert Murdoch announces Sun newspaper to be made in France


Rupert Murdoch

In a move that has infuriated many brexiteers, the iconic newspaper and Leave championing paper will soon be written, edited and printed in Rouen by French printing giant Prexpo, in an effort to cut costs due to a moribund post-Brexit economy.

Prexpo head of marketing and future Sun editor, Simon Guillaumes, assured media insiders that the transition would be seamless and that readers would barely know the difference.

“We appreciate the heritage Monsieur Murdoch has entrusted us with and I guarantee you we will deliver the jingoistic, sexist, boorish and wholly uninformative drivel that the British public craves.

“We have recruited the finest lowlifes to stalk minor celebrities and use illegal means to pry into their most intimate secrets so your countrymen can feel morally superior for a second.

“Although our columnists will change, you can rest assured that they will be pig ignorant men in their sixties commenting angrily about ethical debates on campuses that don’t concern them in the slightest.

“And should we get caught doing something completely despicable like stealing the medical records of a disabled child of a politician, then of course, we will start a flag-waving campaign to get our readers to send British soldiers on holiday to Magaluf or something.”

Despite the company’s assurances, many pundits have expressed doubts that a French-led newspaper would deliver typical Sun fare such as terrible puns that rely on their readers’ poor grasp of spelling.

Traditional Sun misogyny is also in peril as many point out that cultural differences would tempt French editors to objectify alluring but aloof philosophy undergraduates from the Sorbonne instead of dimwitted exhibitionists from Basildon.

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