Thursday 22 March 2018

I gave away passport production rights in the Brexit negotiations, admits David Davis


David Davis blue passports

The right to produce our own passports was given up by David Davis while negotiating the Brexit transition deal, according to reports this morning.

The minister for exiting the EU explained that the EU was very insistent that British passports be produced outside the UK once we have left the European Union, and as such, they will be made by Dutch firm Gemalto in France, rather than by De La Rue in North-East England.

Davis told reporters, “Look, this wasn’t an easy negotiation – but they wouldn’t even discuss the possibility of us producing our own passports here in the UK.

“Their priorities were ‘Irish Border’, ‘producing British passports inside the EU’ and ‘future trading relationship between UK and EU’. There were no shortcuts to this deal, we simply had to give it to them.

“I thought about it, and realised that a passport is only a small blue document, it’s not like it carries some undue importance in the minds of the very people who wanted Brexit to happen. So I gave it away considering it an inconsequence and chalked it up as a victory.

“In case you’re wondering, in return I negotiated that we get to keep the right to call Cheddar Cheese Cheddar Cheese – so who’s the idiot now?”

Brexit supporters have been left furious at the announcement, listing it as the latest calamitous capitulation from a government seemingly determined make a complete mess of Brexit.

Brexit voter Simon Williams said, “There are no circumstances in which I will believe being in the EU is better for the UK than being outside it. The fact that they can produce our passports more cheaply and efficiently means absolutely nothing to me.

“I voted for Brexit, and if that means we all have to pay more for everything and be worse off as a result, then so be it!”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt now!

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