Wednesday 21 March 2018 by Arabin Patson

Jacob Rees-Mogg to throw his butler into the sea in protest at Brexit transition deal


Jacob Rees-Mogg

The staunch Brexiteer and Edwardian relic, Jacob Rees-Mogg, has declared that the deal over Brexit transition struck in Brussels was a betrayal of Leave voters and plans to lead a flotilla down the Thames to the sea where he will hurl his servant into the cold water as an act of defiance.

Speaking from the small drawing room in his modest summer hunting lodge, the conservative MP explained that he was trying to highlight how the deal was an insult to common folk who voted for Brexit.

He told reporters gathered at his door, “Look at the poor devils. Their lives are but a constant drudge working in horrid places like Asda and barely scraping enough money to pay me their rent.

“All they have is hope that the promises I made, of wealth and happiness outside the EU, will happen. And now we are making one-sided deals with Johnny Foreigner? This shall not stand. And to show we are all in this together I am going to throw Simon, my finest servant, overboard into the Channel.

“When the EU bureaucrats watch Simon thrashing around frantically in the freezing cold water, then they will know that we do not surrender easily.”

Mr Rees-Mogg assured his fellow Conservatives that he would be happy to struggle along without a butler, in order to help the Brexit cause.

He added, “I’m not the lord of the manor the press makes me out to be. All I need to be right as rain is food, water, shelter and a leather-bound compilation of Churchill’s speeches.

“And a valet.”

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt!

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