Wednesday 21 March 2018

“I am still relevant!” screams angry old man throwing dead fish into river


Nigel Farage throws fish into the Thames

Former UKIP leader Nigel Farage has this morning pleaded with the British people to pay him some attention by throwing dead fish into a river.

Farage was apparently protesting the Brexit transition deal negotiated by the government by taking to the Thames in a fishing vessel in a publicity stunt presumably dreamt up by Alan Partridge.

He told the reporters who had bothered to cover the stunt, “What I am doing here is drawing attention to the plight of Nigel Farage, by pretending to help the fishermen of this nation.

“When Nigel Farage’s media profile is in danger of collapse, I will do whatever is necessary to support it – and if using the UK’s struggling fishermen is the way to do it, then so be it.

“They need help, so it’s important that I take some of their hard-earned catch and then throw it away. That’ll show those Johnny Foreigner Eurocrats what’s what.

“I get to be on the news, and the fishermen get to feel like I’ve helped them. It’s a win-win situation.”

When asked why he failed to attend 37 meetings of the EU Fisheries Commission – of which he is a part – Farage said his time was better spent doing media interviews to raise the profile of Nigel Farage, than sitting in boring EU meetings to make a case for UK fishermen.

He went on, “You have to ask yourself, what’s really better for this nation’s fishermen? An unknown MEP doing his best inside the EU to fight their corner and protect their interests on the EU Fisheries Commission, or a well-known MEP missing those meetings while trying to get famous on Question Time.

“I think we all know the answer to that – you’re welcome fishermen.”

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