Wednesday 21 March 2018 by Pete Redfern

Food bank users delighted to see politicians dump perfectly good fish into the Thames


Family in need

Hard-up families have applauded the decision by some Tory Brexiteers and part-time radio host Nigel Farage to dump a load of perfectly good food into the Thames.

A small boat containing a number of politicians including the MP for the mid-nineteenth century Jacob Rees-Mogg and ghastly windbag Nigel Farage has spent this morning chugging up the Thames outside Westminster, with its occupants witnessed throwing crates of perfectly good fish into the Thames as some sort of protest against the transitional deal with the EU.

Single mum and part-time nurse Eleanor Gay, who often relies on food banks to feed her family thanks to unending Tory cuts, was delighted to see the spectacle.

“Yes, this protest is absolutely spot-on,” she told us.

“After an unnecessary referendum, we were all hoping Theresa May might at least negotiate a good transitional deal with regard to the fishing industry, but she hasn’t.

She continued, “So making sure that she sits up and takes note of her fellow Conservatives’ concerned protest is a far better use of a load of perfectly good fish than, say, donating them to homeless shelters or food-banks to be eaten by people in need of nourishment.

“What good is feeding a load of hungry people in need, when there is a publicity stunt to arrange? I’m telling you now, Jesus would have thrown his fish into River Jordan instead of feeding the 5,000 if there’d been a political point to make.

Over the sound of her stomach rumbling, she added, “I’m just glad that there are politicians who will do literally whatever it takes to make their voice heard, regardless of thought for anyone else.”

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