Tuesday 20 March 2018 by Lucas Wilde

All-You-Can-Eat restaurant stunned into silence as man eats only one plate of food


all-you-can-eat buffet just one plate

A presumably monstrous man has gone against the ethos of all-you-can-eat.

Simon Williams visited the restaurant as part of a work night out, and when asked if he was getting anything else answered: “no I’m fine, thanks.”

“That’s when there was a restaurant-wide gasp followed by a stunned silence,” confirmed Simon’s colleague, Jay Cooper.

“I always thought Simon was just a normal guy and would therefore be eating until he could no longer move, as is customary – but he seems to have stopped at a point where he is only pleasantly full.

“It’s ‘all-you-CAN-eat’, not all-you-would-LIKE-to-eat. It’s not a meal, it’s a fucking mission and he’s failed it on purpose.

“I’m having second thoughts about him as a person. I was going to invite him to my barbecue in June but I’m worried he’ll shit in the salad or something.”

Simon Williams said, “in my defence, I didn’t want to come here.

“I voted for the Italian place where one is not expected to consume enough to feed several horses.

“But no, we had to come to this trumped-up round of the generation game instead.”

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