Monday 19 March 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Putin announces triumph in 2018, 2024, and 2030 elections


Vladimir Putin

Legitimately elected President of Russia Vladimir Putin has confirmed that he has won not only this year’s election but also the 2024 election and the 2030 election.

The Russian premier took the unusual step of announcing his triumphs in future elections because ‘I’m Vladimir Putin, I do what I like.’

“I am very grateful to my loyal supporters, for electing me as their new leader in this and the next two elections,” said Mr Putin.

“I think it shows the strength of our great country that its leader is able to win three elections at once whereas backward countries like US or Britain, the leaders are only able to win one at a time, and then only barely.

“Clearly they are all shit.”

Russian voters seemed pleased with the result.

“Yes, I am very pleased with the result, we are blessed as a nation,” said Simov Williamsovitch, a voter who showed only minimal signs of torture.

“It is good to know that Mr Putin has also won the next two elections, as that means I can make dinner plans for those two election nights without the fear of further beatings from secret police to make me go and vote for him.

“Not that there were any beatings this time. Please do not print that or I will be beaten for talking about the beatings.

It is understood that the only reason Mr Putin did not confirm his win in the 2036 election was that he was concerned about making it ‘look a bit suspicious’.

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