Saturday 17 March 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Wacky bastard wearing a f*cking novelty Guinness top hat


Guinness Hat

A wacky bastard has been spotted wearing a fucking novelty Guinness top hat because it’s St. Patrick’s Day and he is under the impression that this sort of behaviour is acceptable.

The fucking novelty Guinness hat is made from a highly combustible imitation velour and is decorated with a black parrot or something.

“It’s a laugh, isn’t it?” said the wacky bastard, despite the fact that it clearly isn’t.

“I mean, it’s St Patricks Day, it’s the craic and that,” he continued, practically inviting a violent punch to the face.

The wacky bastard planned to mark the occasion of St Patrick’s Day by drinking heavily and wearing the fucking hat in the time-honoured tradition of wacky pricks, bastards, and arsewits throughout the ages.

“Yeah, definitely. You’ve got to go out big-style on St Patrick’s Day, haven’t you? I’ll definitely be drinking the black stuff, which is what I call Guinness because my Grandad’s aunt was Irish so it’s allowed.

“I’ll really be getting into the Irish spirit today, and there’s an O’Neills in town as well, so it’ll be a really traditional Irish experience in there.

“I’ll probably put U2 on the jukebox to take it to the next level. Or that traditional Irish song by Ed Sheeran – he’s ginger so must be Irish, right?”

It is expected that the wacky bastard who usually drinks piss-weak lager will manage about a pint and a half of Guinness before being violently sick and accidentally dropping his fucking novelty top hat down the toilet where it belongs.

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