Wednesday 14 March 2018

Manchester United to advise government on achieving a European exit that delights a nation


European exit

Manchester United will advise the government on the best way to leave Europe whilst simultaneously delighting the vast majority of people who watch you doing it.

After struggling to gain much support for their Brexit programme, Brexit minister David Davis and has called in Manchester United officials to make his plans for a European exit seem much more palatable.

A government insider explained, “Manchester United went out of Europe this week, yet the whole country was smiling whilst they did it. Simply put, David Davis wants some of that, instead of the incessant abuse he usually receives.

“He wants to get out of Europe, and have the whole country behind him laughing whilst he does so. And who better to help you with that than Manchester United?”

Political experts have said that Davis’ move to recruit Jose Mourinho’s team is a good one, and that if there was one organisation as universally unpopular as the government itself, it is Manchester United.

A Manchester United spokesperson said, “Jose Mourninho’s first words to the Brexit secretary were, ‘you need to make everyone think you believe you’re absolutely entitled to be in Europe’ – that will amplify any sense of schadenfreude when you are forced to leave’.

“That’s really good advice, I’m sure you’ll agree.

“If Manchester United had wanted to be out of Europe, then I’m sure you can imagine how disappointed people would have been that they were actually out of Europe.

“As it is, most people are still laughing a full twenty-four hours later.”

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