Wednesday 14 March 2018 by Pete Redfern

Average IQ of the human race plummets overnight

Global IQ plummets

The average intelligence of the human species has plummeted overnight with the news of the passing of renowned scientist, Professor Stephen Hawking.

The physicist, cosmologist and best-selling author passed away peacefully this morning at his home at the age of 76, presumably as part of an experiment to satisfy his curiosity to personally discover exactly what happens when one steps off the space-time continuum, leaving behind a species slightly dumber for it.

Stephen Hawking battled his crippling motor-neurone disease to become one of the most well-respected scientists in the world, captivating fellow thinkers worldwide with his published work on black holes and other complex theories that would leave the average human being stupefied.

Meanwhile, the humans left behind will soon be commissioning Take Me Out for an eleventh series, and some will die today after getting their hands stuck in a vending machine.

Hawking was also known for his valiant defence and championing of the NHS, without which he claimed he would not have survived his health battles for as long as he did, publicly tackling Jeremy Hunt over the woefully inadequate numbers of doctors and nurses currently working in the health service.

But Jeremy Hunt still continues to insist he knows better, painfully unaware of his limitations that were all too obvious to mind like Hawkings, and everyone else for that matter.

Hawking also demonstrated his care for global issues by publicly condemning Donald Trump – a man so far down the IQ charts he would have been barely visible from Hawking’s vantage point – for pulling out of the Paris Climate Agreement. Showing what men in their 70s should really be doing for the generations they’ll leave behind.

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