Tuesday 13 March 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Kent to be renamed from ‘England’s Garden’ to ‘England’s Car-Park’ following Brexit

Traffic Jam in Kent post Brexit

It has been announced that post Brexit, the traffic congestion caused by border checks in Dover will be so bad that Kent will be known as ‘England’s Car-Park’ instead of ‘England’s Garden.’

A new report has shown that spending as little as two minutes extra on border procedures for each vehicle through Dover will lead to five-hour, twenty-mile traffic jams.

However as the current government seems incapable of implementing any new procedures at all to cope with Brexit, two minutes extra per vehicle seems staggeringly optimistic and as such, most people believe that within a month of Britain leaving the EU, literally every piece of road in the county will be occupied by a car, including that nice pedestrianised bit in Canterbury City centre.

“We’re trying to make the best of it,” said a spokesperson for the Kent tourist board, sadly.

“I mean – ‘England’s Car-Park?’ – we could really start to appeal to those car-park enthusiasts out there.

“You know, people would come and go ‘ooo wow, a whole county reduced from one of the country’s most beautiful areas to a massive car-park. Isn’t that just beautiful’.

“They’d have to take the train to get here though, so it would be perfect to car-park loving train enthusiasts.”

Leading Brexiter Jacob Rees-Mogg was made aware of the situation regarding the impending issues in Kent.

He told reporters, “I’m told that things could get really rather bad in Kent once we leave the EU.

“But I don’t live there, so why should I give a toss.”

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