Monday 12 March 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Prime Minister ‘comfortable dealing with poisonous attacks having worked with Michael Gove’

Michael Gove poisonous

Theresa May is a-OK in tackling the issue of poison as she’s been dealing with Michael Gove for years.

Following criticism that the prime minister is not acting fast enough, her team has pointed out that she probably knows what she’s doing having survived the utterly poisonous ventriloquist’s dummy.

“This is a vile, potentially lethal substance that shouldn’t come into contact with anybody,” said Tory spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“But enough about Michael Gove. The rumoured nerve agent is pretty toxic too.

“If Theresa May can deal with that poisonous little shit then a deadly nerve agent should be a walk in the park.”

Citizen, Elizabeth King, said, “I was exposed to Michael Gove once.

“A biohazard team advised me to wash myself and all of my possessions at least ten times, and to quarantine myself for a fortnight.

“I still have flashbacks of the time he shook my hand. I’m clearly lucky to be alive.”

Dr Jay Cooper confirmed, “Michael Gove is absolutely toxic, and I advise all citizens not to touch him, but to call the police if they see him out in public.”

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