Monday 12 March 2018 by Arabin Patson

Boris Johnson wins Crufts


Boris wins Crufts

In a surprise development, a temperamental English sheepdog of indeterminate origin called Boris Johnson has been named Best in Show in the Mongrel and Mixed Breed category.

Although his breed is not recognised by the Kennel Club, the boisterous unkempt creature won hearts by his boundless enthusiasm and his comical failures during the obedience course.

The award is believed to be a sop to the public, many of whom have complained the competition has become joyless

Owner Theresa May explained that she entered her mutt on a whim and was as shocked as any when he won the coveted rosette.

She told us, “I entered him to keep him busy. We wanted to catch the show but Boris doesn’t like being ignored so he would have made trouble.

“If left alone he gets aggressive towards foreign dogs. Except for American breeds for some reason. Then he just rolls over and shows his belly.”

Mrs May warned people against trying to get a Boris of their own.

“He’s not an easy pet, even now I’ve had him snipped. He’s bone idle and can’t be controlled if he smells a female. You can forget training him. He’ll learn the trick but the second you need him to perform he’ll often do the exact opposite. Loves kids but he doesn’t know he’s fat so he’ll just knock them down with a smile on his face.

“He was a pet I got saddled with, not one I chose. My husband said we should have just put him down. Can’t say I haven’t thought about it a few times in the past year.

“Do you want him?”

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