Tuesday 6 March 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Bradley Wiggins probably also pulls the legs off puppies and listens to music in the quiet carriage


Bradley Wiggins

Cycling hero turned total bastard Sir Bradley Wiggins probably pulls the legs off puppies for laughs and listens to loud music on the quiet carriage on trains, it has been speculated.

These revelations come hot on the heels of news that he took asthma medicine when suffering from asthma and invested in a legal tax avoidance scheme.

He also might well fart in lifts and probably tries to get off with other blokes’ girlfriends all the time.

It is also understood that the tabloid press is currently trying to tie him to the Presidents Club scandal and ISIS, but they haven’t quite got there yet, despite their best efforts.

The general public is shocked.

“I’m shocked,” said Simon Williams, a member of the general public.

“I used to really like Bradley Wiggins, what with him being a nice down to earth working-class bloke who is also amazing at his chosen sport, but with this news that he broke no rules at all leading to the press turning against him for some reason, I guess I’ll now have to think he’s awful.

“What a shame.”

It is understood that the press will continue to shred Sir Bradley’s reputation for another few days or so before they find another working class sports personality who they can publicly destroy.

Probably a footballer.

A black footballer.

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